


Our Fleeting Moment

by 1JettaPug



Category: KISS (US Band)
Genre: 1970s, ? - Freeform, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anger, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Minor Injuries, Pain, Rage, Rock Stars, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 18:25:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18998068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1JettaPug/pseuds/1JettaPug
Summary: "Paul!Paul, I know your ass is in there! Open the damn door." Peter's voice was muffled behind the heavy wood. The silver doorknob rattled. Paul continued to ignore it."Let me in, Paul. We need to talk about this… Fuck, you… You can't hide from me forever!" Peter sounded irritated, defeated…lonely.Paul didn't care.





	Our Fleeting Moment

Paul ignored the harsh banging on his front door. He knew exactly who it was and why they had come. But they had come too late. It was too fucking late. He didn't want to hear it anymore. He didn't want the half-baked reasons, the some ol’ excuses, the violent anger, the desperate pleading, or the purest of their love. He no longer needed any of it. He didn’t want it anymore. He’d take it from anybody else right now, but he would not take it from Peter.

" _Paul!_ Paul, I know your ass is in there! Open the damn door." Peter's voice was muffled behind the heavy wood. The silver doorknob rattled. Paul continued to ignore it.

"Let me in, Paul. We need to talk about this… Fuck, you… You can't hide from me forever!" Peter sounded irritated, defeated… _lonely._ Paul didn't care.

But… But he should get up and say something, tell Peter to go away at least. God, he was sure his neighbors were spying on him now, looking over at the wild ‘domestic’ that was about to take place. He should honestly get up and do something about Peter, but he couldn't find it in himself to get up from the couch. 

Paul choked back a sharp breath and continued fighting back tears. He knew that if he even so much as glanced at Peter staring at him through the glass and heard him out, then he’d break, instantly cave and give into his partner. 

Fuck… 

Fuck! 

He was stronger than that! He was…? Wasn’t he? Paul curled up into a tight ball, hugging his knees against his chest. No. No, he couldn't risk that. He was tired of Peter hurting him. The endless exhausting parties, the drug use, the drunken rowdy behavior… It was frightening! As much as Paul loved him, he had to do this. He had to push him away! Peter could claim it was just him being an asshole and pushing everyone away all he wanted, but they both knew the truth. Peter was just the one who wouldn’t admit to his faults.

“ _Fuh- Fuck me…!_ ” Paul cried out quietly, falling to the side in his fetal position, crying heavily into his tight jeans. He really sounded more like he was wheezing than he was crying, but through the glass, Peter could easily spot the tears staining his partner’s pants.

“Paulie! Paulie, _please!_ ” Peter banged on the door again and again, his voice cracking. “Please…! Say something! Say something...!" he cried out to him, tears dripping off his cheeks against the glass. "Listen, I know I fucked up… again, but I didn’t mean to hurt you! Yo- You just didn’t tell me! You didn’t talk to me! W- We could’ve worked something out… Please. Please, open the door, baby… Please, say something to me at least…!” the teary-eyed drummer slammed his head against the front door and kept it there, twin rivers racing down his cheeks. “ _Please…_ ”

Soft ticks from the wall on the clock indicated that Paul was still in the moving present and not just stuck in a never-ending loop of despair. Still, he almost wished it froze, because now he had to get up and deal with his living hell.

After long last, Paul uncurled himself and slowly got up from the couch, heading to his front door with crossed arms. He opened it, but he didn't take the chain off the door just yet. " _Kitten…_ ” he shook his head, correcting himself, “No… _No._ Go away, Peter."

Peter leaned as far in as he could against the doorframe, straining it slightly. "Paulie… Please, we both know I'm not going to do that, so you might as well let me in." he told him, frowning at his partner from under the chain.

"Please. _Stop._ Stop it. Please don't come by anymore, Peter… I don't feel comfortable around you, and I just don't want to talk to you. It’s… It’s over… Please, just drop it and leave me alone!" Paul told him, his voice snapping at bit at the end there.

" _I- It’s over…!?_ ” Peter sucked in a quick breath, trying to keep himself level. “Paul… No. This isn’t just some sorta crackpot decision you get to make! This isn’t picking out band outfits! This isn’t some fancy new diet you’re trying to shove down our throats! This isn’t any of that shit, you asshole! This is something that you don’t get to make on your own! This is something that takes us _both!_ " Peter cried out, knocking a curled fist against the door in frustration.

Paul flinched instantly, letting out a soft gasp. Peter’s eyes widened, and he backed away from the door like it were on fire. His fists curled even tighter at his sides, and he cursed at himself. He hadn’t come here to start a fight or scare his partner… seemed like he was doing both now, though.

“ ** _Fuck!_** ” Peter growled, hitting a pillar on the front porch. His right hand now ached, but it was nothing to him. It just silently returned by his side, balled into a tight fist. Tears streamed down his cheeks, but he couldn't conceal the anger that raged inside him like a still burning coal fire. Hot and frightening. He managed to worry everyone who cared about him with it, Ace, Gene, Paul. All of them watched from the sidelines as he unraveled from the drugs and alcohol, slowly coming apart like an overused teddy bear that no one bothered to stitch up. He didn't seem to get better as the time passed. No... The bigger KISS got, the better drugs and alcohol Peter could afford, and he only got worse. He’d never considered Paul the entire time… He only seemed concerned on if Paulie was perched on the left side of his lap or the right. Only seemed to notice the way he nibbled his neck instead of those whispers of concern about his sixth drink that night. Only seemed to care when he had him bouncing up and down on his cock instead of when he was tearing up and begging him not to go off into the next room to shoot it up again. He never saw the bigger picture… He only saw the moment how he wanted to, carefree and worthless. There would always be another moment, another minute, another day. It didn’t just stop ‘cause of one thing, good or bad. Peter just never stopped to consider that for one day, one minute, one moment that for his Paulie… for Paul, that it might just be different.

As the skin on Peter’s hand finally broke free and blood began to flow, Paul sighed and closed the front door, leaning his forehead against the cold wood for a moment and breathing deeply. It took another minute before he moved again, unlatching the silver chain and opening the door, heading back over to his leather couch before Peter could even step inside.

Peter gently closed the door behind him and followed Paul over to the couch, sitting down beside him. His hands twitched in his lap, like he wanted nothing more than to wrap them around Paul’s own hands and promise him the world. "Paulie… Please, we need to talk about this…"

"There's nothing to talk about." Paul sighed, turning away from him and running his hands over his tear-stained face.

"And I say there is. There is, baby… Please. I know I’ve been doing this for three years straight but… Paul, please, I don’t know what to say to fix this right here, right now." Peter told him, trying to get him to look him in the eye.

"Peter… stop. I can’t handle this… I can’t handle you. God, I thought I could- God knows why for one second, I’d believed I could actually reign you in! Fuck! I’m younger than you, but you just act so fuckin’ wild! You don’t give a damn! Is it because you’re older? Is that why?” Paul shook his head, lowering his face into his hands in despair. “Why…? Why, why why? … God, Peter, why can’t you just leave me? I’ve been trying to push you away for so long… but you keep coming back.”

"Of course, I keep coming back.” Peter said softly, leaning against him and wrapping an arm around him. “I know you, Paulie. I know what you’re goin-”

"No,” Paul cut him off, “You'd like to think you know me, but really, you don't. All you know is a side of seduction… All you know is _Starchild._ You don’t know _me…_ You don’t know the man behind the mask.”

Peter silently watched him for a moment. "Paul… You don’t think I’m willing to try to know him?” his voice broke even more as Paul shook his head. “Christ, stop. Stop it. Just… God, just why are you fighting me so hard on this, baby?"

"Because it's not worth all the heartache in the end. Peter… I- I’ve loved those nights…. All of those nights, but moving forward, I don’t see this working. And I guess it’s just me, but I don’t wanna go through all of that… And I can't go and drag you through it, too." Paul whispered lowly, not paying his partner a single glance.

"Paulie…” Peter sucked in a breath. “Paul, listen, you’re not wasting your time with me. I’m not the best… but I’m not the worst… I’ve been trying to get better, get cleaner for you, baby. So, please… Please, just stop fighting this, stop fighting me." Peter said, reaching over and grabbing Paul’s chin between his fingers, getting him to look at him at long last.

Paul blinked away his tears and looked at his drummer for a moment. "Peter… If we do this now, then… then I’ll never be able to stop it. I- I don’t know what’ll happen in the future… So, we don't really know what we're getting into-"

"Ssshhhh, baby," Peter smiled softly, then leaned in and pressed his lips to Paul's. “ _Mhmhmmmm…_ For you, I’m willing to try anything. So, we’ll be fine. I mean, after all, I love you.”

“I love you, too, Kitten.” Paul hesitated for a moment, but then finally gave into the sweet kisses that he had grown oh so attached to.


End file.
